12/15/2006: "I Have A Solution…"

What this island needs are more hardworking poor, ignorant, shy people who don't like to talk to their neighbors.

It seems that every time our government-or anyone-- proposes doing anything, anywhere people get all riled up.

Local governments secure grant money to fund a recycling station and then lose it because the proposed site is in the backyard of a smart, articulate, friendly person who is not afraid to litigate. The county buys a chunk of land and wants to put a public works and, maybe, also a little transfer station on it. The problem (other than paying more than appraised value and being a tad secretive about it) is that the property butts up to a neighborhood of inquiring and inquisitive citizens with some political savvy and good networking skills.

Commercial barge landing site or a huge recreational park at the old gravel pit-those are both out. Those pesky retirees with too much time and money on their hands won't allow that. They already have all the gravel they need to get their homes built and who needs another park.

Ball fields? Oh no, we can't have ball fields. It won't be safe to walk our dogs on the street, what with all those cars headed to the soccer field. (Besides we'll lose our favorite open field doggy latrine?) Neighbors rally against that evil ball field!

Someone wants a permit for a B & B, in the neighborhood? Those people who go to B & B;s will drive on our road. Heaven forbid!

A wood chipper? Sure it will help recycle brush into a useable product, but it makes noise. Cell tower? Too tall, it would compete with my flagpole for the biggest phallic symbol on the block. Affordable housing project? My pet wild ducks who I like to look at when I come home from vacationing in Fiji wouldn't like that at all.

Recently public works posted an ad wanting property for a new transfer station. Who is going to volunteer to sell their property for that project? Only someone who is moving back to the mainland with a big, "I-hate-this-island, stick-it-to-my-neighbors," grudge. You better be kind to your neighbors this holiday season. Even if your neighbor sells to public works, who on this island isn't going to band together with their other neighbors and hire a lawyer to fight something going in next door that is perceived as being a threat to their "quality of life?"

What do other counties do? How do they site unpopular projects? Usually they site them on really big chunks of land far away from people. Big chunks of property cost big bucks, so thanks to the defeat of I-399 counties can continue to condemn and take the property they need.

The island does not have many big chunks of land left-and definitely none that isn't the habitat of some endangered species that we like better than human beings. The other option for locating unpopular projects, used by mainland governments and toxic corporations alike, is to site the projects amongst communities of poor, politically apathetic, uninformed, disenfranchised people. Well, we don't have many of those people either, and those that we have are woven throughout the island landscape. Trailer parks butt up against hotsy-totsy neighborhoods, poor people live in guest cottages near protected shorelines. It won't work.

My solution would be to encourage poor, hardworking, ignorant, shy people who wouldn't talk to their neighbors to move into a new county built affordable housing complex that would be one giant loop with enough open land inside it to site a transfer station, ball field, community park, public works yard, sewer plant, a couple of B & B's, an air strip, wood chipper and, of course, a barge landing.

I think it is a good idea. I can only see a few hang-ups with this solution. First, there still isn't a chunk of land left that is big enough. Secondly, knowing how kind-hearted islanders can be, some rich retired sociology professor married to a civil rights lawyer would probably form a crazy "protect the poor, hardworking, ignorant, shy people who don't talk to their neighbors" committee.

Oh! No! Not another silent auction, spaghetti feed fundraiser to put on my social calendar! That would totally impact MY quality of life!

Sincerely,

"Walter Eegoe"
Friday Harbor