In Their Own Words

“In no other country in the world is the love of property keener or more alert than in the United States, and nowhere else does the majority display less inclination toward doctrines which in any way threaten the way property is owned.”

-Alexis De Tocqueville, Democracy in America 1835

As a foreign observer of America it was clear to Tocqueville that America was founded on the principles of liberty, individual rights, and the right to private property. These things are no longer of value to many people that call themselves “friends.” You can see it for yourself in their words. By contrasting their words with the words of the founders, it becomes obvious that their values are much different. Their words seem hollow in comparison. Don’t take my word for this. Read them for yourself:

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“Property is surely a right of mankind as real as liberty,”

-John Adams "A Defense of the Constitutions of Government in the United States of America,"

“Property rights are relative rights and are related to the health and welfare of the broader community in all of its dimensions and with that comes responsibility.”
- George Lawson (7/23/09)  Friends Board Member, Lopez Island

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“Next to the right of liberty, the right of property is the most important individual right guaranteed by the Constitution and the one which, united with that of personal liberty, has contributed more to the growth of civilization than any other institution established by the human race.”

-William Howard Taft

“The real surprise is that we are allowing any more shoreline development at all. . . This restoration of the natural world isn't mere environmentalism. It is another chapter in the civil rights movement seeking to guarantee greater protections for the community of life forms with which we share this planet and with whom our lives and histories are intricately interwoven and interdependent. We are related to everything that surrounds us and share a common ancestry whether biological, chemical or molecular. We have no more rights than any other living thing on this planet. We've just assigned ourselves more.” -Charles Carver (8/12/2009) Orcas WA. Letter to the editor

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"[t]he moment that idea is admitted into society that property is not as sacred as the Laws of God, and that there is not a force of law and public justice to protect it, anarchy and tyranny commence. Property must be sacred or liberty cannot exist."

-John Adams

“The document (SJI CAO draft) implies that all property owners are adverse to regulations that protect the ecosystems they are fortunate to enjoy on their property, at least to the extent that those regulations would impact their ability to do something on their property. This is a disservice to those property owners who do not protest such regulations, and who elevate the common good and environmental health above the selfish rhetoric of “property rights.” I think there are a lot of the latter type of property owner in the San Juans.” -Stephanie Buffum (8/13/09) Executive Director, Friends of the San Juans

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"No other rights are safe where property is not safe."

-Daniel Webster

“Who wasn’t there on the panel to add to the one-sided dialog: The Orcas, the Eelgrass, the Heron, the Smelt, the Sand Lances, the trees, the water, the Salmon and more. They couldn't stand up for themselves to protect their lives. They weren’t invited. . . All the wildlife is affected by what we humans do. We think we’re just building a house with a great view.” -Vivien Burnett, (7/14/09)  Friends Board Member, Friday Harbor

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"they who have no property can have no freedom."

-Stephen Hopkins, (1764) Rhode Island

“But I would like to ask the question: Why do these special interests have so much power? The shoreline belongs to us!”- Mike Kaill, (7/2009)  Friends, President of the Board, Friday Harbor

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"Whenever the legislators endeavor to take away and destroy the property of the people, or to reduce them to slavery under arbitrary power, they put themselves into a state of war with the people, who are thereupon absolved from any further obedience,..."

- John Locke, (1690) 2nd Treatise of Government

“Best Available Science not concerns from a few private property rights opponents and the (San Juan) Initiative’s limited experience, should govern the creation of San Juan County CAO regulations.” Stephanie Buffum (8/13/09) Executive Director, Friends of the San Juans

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"The Natural Rights of the colonists are these: first, a right to life; second, to liberty; third to property; together with the right to support and defend them in the best manner they can."

-Samuel Adams.

“I find it hard to believe that there are still people who worry about their “rights.”. . .If we want to keep our “paradise,” some will have to accept an incursion into what are property rights.” -John Brookbank (10/14/09) The Journal of the San Juan Islands

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"Nothing is ours, which another may deprive us of."

- Thomas Jefferson to Maria Cosway, 1786. ME 5:440

“The better approach would be to prevent construction of new homes where they will ever need armoring and then prohibit the construction of armoring for that home. Once shoreline erosion reaches the home, it must either be removed from the shore, or rebuilt further upland. ” -Stephanie Buffum (8/13/09) Executive Director, Friends of the San Juans

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"To take from one because it is thought that his own industry and that of his father's has acquired too much, in order to spare to others, who, or whose fathers have not exercised equal industry and skill, is to violate arbitrarily the first principle of association--'the guarantee to every one of a free exercise of his industry and the fruits acquired by it.'"

-Thomas Jefferson

“And in response to the argument that preservation of aesthetically stunning landscapes is elitist, I would argue that transferring the benefits of natural views of the shoreline from the public to wealthy, shoreline property owners is rather elitist.”
“For those passing by water,all the homes may be considered visual blight.”
-Stephanie Buffum (8/13/09) Executive Director, Friends of the San Juans

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“Government is instituted to protect property of every sort; as well as that which lies in the various rights of individuals . . .this being the end of government, that alone is a just government which impartially secures to every man whatever is his own.”

- James Madison (1792) National Gazette 266

“The great and chief end therefore, of men uniting into commonwealths, and putting themselves under government, is the preservation of their property.”

-John Locke (1690) 2nd Treatise of Government, Chapter 14

“We all need to appreciate that what is at stake is not owned by CAPR (Citizen’s Alliance for Property Rights), or by individuals. It is our common property.” -Mike Kaill Journal of the San Juans, (10/7/09) Friends of the San Juans, (Friends) President of the Board, Friday Harbor

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"The three great rights are so bound together as to be essentially one right. To give a man his life, but deny him his liberty, is to take from him all that makes his life worth living. To give him his liberty, but take from him the property which is the fruit and badge of his liberty, is to still leave him a slave."

-George Sutherland, Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court, 1921

(Gordy has been writing a fun filled -and sometimes even fact filled- column for The Island Guardian for five years. He has a talent for poking fun at us while pointing out the absurdness of the unintended consequences of many of our actions, and has become a must read for politicians and the populace. Gordy graduated with honors from Seattle Pacific University with a degree in Philosophy. He also attended Theological Seminary. He has spent most of his life sequestered in the remote San Juan Islands where he has survived by fishing, hunting, and growing prize-winning vegetables. He once owned a small chain of grocery stores in the islands. He has served on many committees and has held elected office. )

Open Letter to the Council, and Staff

My email address must have been harvested from Facebook or Twitter or someplace like that. I just got the latest newsletter from the “Friends” of the San Juans via email. I did not think I was on their email list but alas, they found me! Not only did they find yours truly, they must have sent it to almost everyone in the islands! (OMG U’ve bn bizzy!) Anyway, I saw their talking points on the Critical Areas Ordinance urging us to write a letter to every Councilman, so here goes!

The first point is to ask you to please get this done now! It’s time to get moving! We are 5 years behind! Don’t let the details of science get in your way. Doing more local science is expensive and we’re broke.

I know that some of you council members are way advanced in your understanding of the ecosystems that surround us. You realize that “people are the problem.” We don’t need science to prove it. Just ask your colleague Bob Myhr! Best Available Science has proven that Homo sapiens are destroying the planet. Get moving! What are you waiting for? Pass the most restrictive laws you can dream up.

Private property ownership is an outdated idea anyway. In fact, America is one of the last places on Earth where people have rights to private property. It’s such a silly concept. So let’s just ram this regulatory package down their throats and give their land over to those of us who know best how to manage it. We’ll show those people who think they have property rights that government is the best steward of their land!

Second point is: We want clean water for our fish and wildlife now! You should ignore those people who say that the existing laws are actually working to protect the environment. Baloney! We must pass laws now to save our environment from the people who think they have the right to use their own property. The animals were here first! This is your chance to shut those selfish property owners up once and for all by limiting their freedom as much as possible. Just do it!

Talking point three: Use the June 2009 draft. What’s wrong with the old draft? Just because it is not based on local science doesn’t mean that it is invalid. Atlantic Ocean, Mediterranean Sea, Puget Sound, Great Lakes, they’re all the same.

The old draft was based on what we were told to do by outside agencies. Why can’t we just let Puget Sound Partnership, the Department of Ecology, or anyone who will give us grant money, do our planning for us? Most of the people don’t even seem to care that their property rights are being taken away. You should pass this quickly before they wake up and start pushing back.

Some property rights groups are saying that the old draft doesn’t balance the needs for protecting the environment and the economy of the islands. Horse feathers! Tell them to go sit on their thumbs and balance!
Some ignoramus is claiming that the draft CAO will devalue many parcels. They say that tax-shift, devaluation, and economic chaos will be the result of non-conforming designations assigned to any property near water. So what if people lose the value of their homes? At least the animals will have a home. Who is fighting for the critters? That’s your job. The Friends expect you to ruin the whole frickin’ economy to protect the last wiggling creature, even the slugs! Just pass this and do it now!

Critics of the old draft say that it will bring gentrification and turn the islands into a paradise for the super rich and choke out diversity. So what? We are building enough free housing to fill all the jobs the rich folks will provide, plus we’re protecting animal habitat. We don’t need a middle class here. We want a place like Aspen, Martha’s Vineyard, or Jackson Hole. We want it now!

What people don’t know won’t hurt them. For example, there could be some people complaining that passing the old draft will severely damage our local economy and cause deep and long-lasting divisions in our community. What do they know? Just ignore them and pass strict laws that take away as many of their rights as possible. Once they see the great job government does with their land they’ll thank you.

And finally, talking point four: Could you please add an analysis of climate change in the Best Available Science study? We want to eliminate the possibility that the sun has any affect on climate change and prove once and for all that global warming or cooling (whatever), is all man’s fault. I know this may take some time and keep you from getting the above things done on schedule, but it is so darn important to determine the facts of climate change in a local study of such great magnitude.

Finally, I want to thank you in advance for listening to these essential talking points, following lockstep with the “Friends” agenda, and ripping this community apart. We just need to win and shut up those uninformed property owners for good.

Yours Truly

Grime Doesn’t Pay

They wanted to clean up the big briny waters of Puget Sound. The Governor appointed them to protect us from invasive marine species and save our salmon. Now these shape-shifting elitists have become the invasive species and they have muck all over themselves. Everything they touch will be corrupted and stained because grime doesn’t pay! Let me explain.

The corruption started when Puget Sound Partnership became a government agency funded by taxpayers. The State Auditor recently exposed their abuse of public funds ( Audit Report).

When times are tough and budgets are slashed it is outrageous to see people in government drain the public treasury with waste and fraud. What is worse is that these con artists are doing it in the name of protecting and restoring Puget Sound. I find this despicable.

I wondered about the highly paid consultants from Puget Sound Partnership (PSP), who came to the islands from the sprawling urban basin down sound, to educate us. It seemed creepy to me that someone from the most polluted city on Puget Sound would come to our pristine islands and lecture us about protecting our environment. I think we have done a fine job here, thank you very much.

I have seen several of these people come and go in the last couple of years. They told us of the “Action Agenda” for Puget Sound. They were meeting facilitators and wrote down comments from the public with magic markers on big paper on easels. They wrote some comments of their own for public review. Their writing was somewhat below average with improvement needed in spelling and grammar. Their insights into our community were off base and easily forgotten. It made me suspicious. How did these “consultants” get such a lucrative and sweet assignment in the San Juans?

I thought it was fishy when PSP gave San Juan County $80,000.00 to hire a part-time (20 hours a week) consultant to “implement the comprehensive Action Agenda” of Puget Sound Partnership (SJC09CD.001), and $77,600.00 for similar work (SJC09CD.003). How does a person get a job like this? This kind of job does not exist here in the private sector. Were applications available? Was the job listed in the employment section?

Ladies and Gentlemen: with the help of the State Auditor we now have our answers!

Cronyism, corruption, and fraud have been added to the real “Action Agenda.” The list of laws that have been violated by the PSP would make any outlaw blush. (Related Story) For example, there was the illegal distribution of $4.8 million of taxpayer money in prohibited sole-source, no bid contracts. They paid up to $300 per hour for open-scope consulting contracts awarded without competitive applications or proper documentation. That is how our tax money was spent. This explains a lot about the consultants who came here to help save us.

Our County Council is considering trading control of our local planning to this group for special grants and favors to implement their “Action Agenda.” Thankfully, they stopped short of making a dreadful decision to associate with this group of lawbreakers. Our leaders need your support to resist the offers of grants and threats of withholding State funds in exchange for regulations that will kill our economy and devalue our property.

The Puget Partnership web site describes their Action Agenda like this, “We will base decisions on science, focus on actions that have the biggest impact, and hold people and organizations accountable for results.”

I think we should hold this organization accountable for honest results before we listen to another word from one of their highly paid “consultants.” They should pay back the taxpayers of this State for the millions in waste and fraud. The corruption of PSP does nothing to further the noble goal of cleaning up Puget Sound. This agency needs to wipe the grime off their own hands first before they muddy the waters here in the San Juan Islands because grime shouldn’t pay.

Eco-correctness

SAVE PAPER and the PLANET!! - Please do not print this column unless absolutely necessary! By printing these words you are making an eco-incorrect choice, a divisive choice that reflects your ignorance of sustainability, and one that could lead to destruction of the planet.

I would like to introduce a new word to commemorate Earth Day 2010, “Eco-correct.” It is similar to “politically correct,” but it is specific to planet-saving behavior or the lack of it (“eco-incorrect”). I have been thinking about this word for some time. I will attempt to define it for you now.

I got my first real look into the problem of eco-correctness at our family’s Christmas dinner. I had prepared Prime Rib. I have no idea if the beef was sustainable or what its diet was before it came to King’s Market. As far as I know, the steer may have had daily massages and lapped microbrew out of a huge frothy mug. All I know is that the Prime Rib was delicious. That’s why I was surprised when my niece had a cow of her own at the dinner table.

The trouble started when her spouse began to gnaw on a rib bone. She exclaimed that this behavior “grossed her out.” His primitive meat eating habit led to a serious martial dust-up where a lesson in eco-correct sustainable vegetarianism may have been learned.

Not only can eco-correctness lead to martial strife, it is also creating deep divisions within society. For example, do you get annoyed when some eco-correct person at your table quizzes the wait-staff at your favorite restaurant for fifteen minutes about the grass fed beef or the last days in the life of the chicken before it became chicken salad? Are your rockfish tacos leading to the extinction of the species? Have you ever brought home groceries in a bag other than the canvas one that has “Save the Planet” embroidered on it with soy-dyed thread? Do Styrofoam containers make you crazy? Let me tell you right now, you can be taken to task for being eco-incorrect. Believe me, “green disputes” are no fun.

How did this green divisiveness get so serious? The answer may surprise you. The issue is religious, morally charged, and involves deep-seated political beliefs. That is why your mother told you to avoid these subjects at the dinner table when dining with friends.

Like religion, there are true believers and skeptics. If you drive a gas guzzling SUV (a global warmer), you are branded as eco-incorrect. You may disagree that your choice of vehicle is going to cause planetary destruction. You may actually think that if you don’t use as much gasoline, some guy in China will pay less for it and burn it dirtier than you will. That may be a logical viewpoint but it is not eco-correct by today’s standards. Anyway, the truth is that some people believe that the planet hangs in the balance with every choice we make, and some think that this is all a bunch of hooey.

Interestingly, behavioral scientists have documented a common occurrence that helps to define eco-correct behavior. It is the moment of “environmental awakening,” (similar to religious conversion) accompanied by the attitude of, “I’ve arrived, and I’m greener than you. You’re a complete moron that will destroy the Earth unless you believe as I do.”

These “I’ve arrived” people have become emboldened recently. They find it hard to refrain from nasty comments or political rants when they feel someone’s behavior threatens the planet. This type of environmental nose-in-the-air-snob demands eco-correctness from others and is not afraid to lash out when someone commits an environmental sin like failing to recycle properly.

For example, for throwing a plastic organic yogurt container in the wrong recycle bin, she might let out a string of divisive language like, “You’re a sexist, stupid, white trash, middle-aged moron, who’s a big polluting, money grubbing, cigar chomping, Johnny Cashing, gay bashing, racist, homophobic, Fascist, NASCAR racing, religious fanatic who’s destroying our entire galaxy one planet at a time!”

This is eco-correctness gone wild. On this Earth Day, 2010, it is perfectly fine to look these people in the eye and laugh. The sun will rise tomorrow even if you throw the plastic in with the cardboard.

Feeding the Monster

Let’s punish the people for our mismanagement of solid waste and the Public Works Department. This is the clarion cry of the leaders we have elected in San Juan County. It is a fact that new fees and higher taxes are killing jobs in our local economy but that doesn’t seem to matter. Like a “Little Shop of Horrors,” our Council needs more money to feed the growing debt monster called Public Works. They will continue to bleed us dry to keep this thing alive.

Take a walk back into recent history and you can find the real solid waste in this department. Remember the purchase of the Orcas dock? Urged on by the leader of Public Works (PW), the Council paid 3-million of our tax dollars for a property we didn’t need. If they were to sell it today they might only get a third of the price they paid for it. Why?

The Council was assured they would get a grant for this property from the fees collected from boat licenses. When the grant failed to materialize, it left a big hole in the PW budget. The excuse was given that San Juan County did not get the funds because we were out of compliance with GMA. Upon further investigation it was revealed that the county who beat us out for the grant was even further out of compliance than we were.

Remember when Public Works told us we had to move the dump on San Juan Island? Another couple of million was spent for a new site and a half million for useless studies. Highly paid consultants were brought in from the big city to convince us that we needed a new “state of the art” dump, built in a residential neighborhood, that in our wildest dreams we couldn’t afford.

Now we have the highest fees to dump garbage in the State of Washington (perhaps among the highest in the world). Since the recent economic downturn the cost of government seems to keep growing while our ability to pay keeps wilting. We are almost bled dry but our leaders seem to think they can just keep asking us to give more to pay for their mistakes. It appears that we are being punished for the waste and mismanagement of this out of control monster.

Just when you thought they had raised every tax and fee imaginable here comes another whopper. If you thought it was inconvenient to have the dump closed on Saturdays and only open limited hours 3 days a week just wait. The Council is looking at doubling the rate we pay for a can of garbage to $15 bucks! Fees will be substantially increased across the board. Another proposal in Mr. Shannon’s big book of solutions is for everyone to go to Orcas Island to dump their garbage! Check out Option 4, “Give Up on Current Level of Service as not sustainable. Bring into Compliance and Maintain Only 1 Transfer Station.”
(Source: DRAFT SOLID WASTE OPTIONS 3/10/2010)

Just think of the consequences of these kinds of shortsighted actions. There will be more litter along roadsides; more trash and old appliances dumped in empty lots and road ends. Illegal burning and burying of garbage will be rampant. We will have our Council to thank for this.

“Let’s take more from the people” is their mantra. After all, it’s our fault that garbage exists. Just because other communities collect the trash more efficiently for a fraction of the cost doesn’t mean we have to. How long will we allow this to continue?

Mr. Frozengore & The “Precautionary Principle”

Ice sculpture of AL GORE in Fairbanks, AK

ig_GP_Frozen_Gore-001 (56k image)
(His mouth is connected to a pickup truck’s exhaust pipe)

Some people are poking fun at our former Vice-President ( The Frozengore ) because he refuses to debate global warming with skeptics in Fairbanks, where this weekend, it is -60 degrees below zero. They plan to keep Al on ice until he comes up north in his private jet to talk.

It is not the point of this column to make fun of Mr. Frozengore. Too many people are already doing that. I would like to ask a serious question about the “precautionary principle.” It is best illustrated by the global warming debate. It is important because this principle is going to be the basis of new laws that will restrict our freedom. We need to ask, “Is it government’s job to restrict any human activities they consider harmful to the environment even if the facts are not clear? How should scientific information be translated into laws of society?”

A simple definition of the “precautionary principle” is, “It’s better to be safe than sorry.” Some people value this advice, others don’t. Nevertheless, this old proverb defines the essential principle of precaution. Even though this may be a good rule to live by, the “precautionary principal” has recently been elevated to the place of science. Is this a good idea?

Policy makers are using the precautionary principle to codify their “best guess” about what might happen and make it law before all the scientific facts are known. For example, we don’t yet understand the cause and effect of carbon emissions on global temperatures (if any). That does not stop politicians from making laws that restrict carbon emissions as a precautionary measure.

Science asks, “What is the proof?” The Frozengore skips that step. He concludes that like a sick little kid, “the planet has a temperature” because of human activities. Therefore we must stop zooming around in SUV’s before the sea rises and our islands become an amusement park for divers. This illustrates the precautionary principle.

What The Frozengore should ask is, “Will flying my jet to Copenhagen for the big global warming summit cause sea levels to rise or not?” The answer to this question involves a value judgment. It is not based on sufficient knowledge so the final answer can’t be substituted for scientific certainty. It’s just a guess.

“Predictive science” is an oxymoron. A prediction about future events is not science. Guessing is not a sufficient basis to take away our freedom. The precautionary principle elevates uncertainty by placing a value judgment like, “better to be safe than sorry,” over scientific fact.

Consider this quote from Life Magazine, January 1970, “Scientists have solid experimental and theoretical evidence to support . . . the following predictions: In a decade, urban dwellers will have to wear gas masks to survive air pollution . . . by 1985 air pollution will have reduced the amount of sunlight reaching Earth by one half.”

When Al Frozengore makes predictions, he is no different than Life Magazine. There is no such thing as predictive science or even accurate predictions, but The Frozengore spouts them as facts all day long.

In the case of global warming, there is no tolerance for dissent. Pure science considers all possibilities and questions all paradigms including (at the minimum) the effects of the Sun on global temperature. What has happened to this concept?

When government regulates human activity based on predictions, people are expected to bear the burden of the unintended consequences even if the regulations cause economic chaos, destroy personal freedom, extinguish liberty, and take private property. To do this based on someone’s predictions is hogwash.

Now I will finally make my point. Local government is about to use the precautionary principle on you! As a precaution, government is going to restrict your building project, limit the use of your property (if they determine it is a wetland or near a small stream), and kick your butt back from the shoreline, because you could cause damage to the environment, but we’re not sure. However, you can be sure that conflicts will arise when government restricts the use of your private property without proof that you are harming anything. I’m just saying that the precautionary principle is coming to the islands. Look out!

Highlights of 2009

Yikes! I just got used to writing the correct date on my checks. Now it is going to take me another year to figure out how to write 2010! The year started out with hope. I hope next year turns out better.

As I went back and reviewed the stories of ’09, certain themes emerged. Many people drove into the ditch and had a photo of their car featured in the Island Guardian. I ranked news stories into a list according to how many times they appeared. The dump controversy was featured the most in ’09, followed by stories about ferries, planning/building department, swine flu, and budget woes. Let’s take a quick look back at some of these top stories of last year.

January rocked. The Islands were hit with a 4.5 Earthquake and local musician Tom Doenges was nominated for an award for his hit song “I’m Looking for a Bailout.” (A seriously good song).

January was also a good month for political controversy. CD&PD (Community Development and Planning Department) Director Ron Hendrickson proposed new permit fee increases saying people should be punished for having a large house. He convinced the Council to place an additional charge on homes that are larger than 3,500 square feet. The Council drew the line however on Mr. Hendrickson’s proposal for beheading the rich.

Standing room only crowds heard a SWAC report, which confirmed that only a few NIMBY’s were opposed to moving the dump into their neighborhood except for the NIMBY’s who want the dump to move away.

In other dump news, an emergency landing in New York on the Hudson River occurred because birds had stopped both engines. This argument, was now adapted for crows and seagulls in Beaverton Valley, and officially added to the “Don’t Move the Dump” file.

Headlines said, “Still Time To Tell WSF What You Think!” The public was invited to travel around in a circle on the Hiyu and listen to the same endless crap about why the ferry system is broke and why San Juan residents need to fix it by paying exorbitant fees. The deadline for public comment was extended by WSF. They also extended their middle finger to those who decided to take the time to ride around the islands.

Weed Tax Passed By Council. The new tax promises to end the scourge of weeds and caused Council member Gene Knapp to exclaim: “This proposal will send a message that the County doesn’t take seriously the care of the elderly and the sick, but does take care of it’s weeds.” In other news, agents at Roche Harbor seized 100 pounds of B.C. weed, estimated at several billion dollars street value. The Weed Board got excited.
No reports of swine flu yet in February! However, we did get a report on “The Health of San Juan County” that contained some rather odd findings. Adult cigarette smoking and binge drinking is the highest in the state. This could explain all the cars in the ditch.

Meanwhile our Public Works Director was up to his old tricks as headlines read, “DOE Faults Management of SJI Dump.” In hindsight it was not a smart move to call on the State to condemn the dump so we could get a new improved version. The plan backfired when the DOE blamed the Director for the problems there.

San Juan County Treasurer’s Office sent out $41 million in property tax bills. The Treasurer said their office is receiving a record number of calls about the bills, and noted that, “Most of them are asking about the Storm water Utility fee.” She changed the message on her answering machine to say, “ Don’t blame us. We know you voted against the storm water tax but the Council put it in again!”

Ron Hendrickson was in the news again. He reported that nobody has applied for the limited number of permits for Detached Accessory Dwelling Units (ADU). When the Island Guardian called the ADU lottery “Hot Line” we reached the Hooter’s Restaurant and Casino in Las Vegas.

March
Obsessed with Garbage the County Council started their Monday meeting on Orcas with a tour of the local transfer station, including “The Exchange.” They found a man wandering around the facility complaining, “I sure have to take a lot of garbage in this job.”

The Island Guardian’s informal poll results on the dump were, 378 votes to keep it, 7 votes to move it. Apparently all 7 votes to “move it” came from the same phone number at Public Works.

The Guardian announced that after 4 years in the planning and development stage community volunteers were finally given the green light to plant a few colorful flowers in the town tree wells. The town had objected to this program for years because if flowers were planted tourists would have no place to throw their cigarette butts. The Mayor announced a smoking ban with fines starting at $75,000.00 and possible jail time for smoking on town property thus solving the cigarette butt crisis.

Planning Department Director Ron Hendrickson appointed a new Code Enforcement officer.  Ron said,  “ In the past we have demonstrated an ability to get large numbers of people to rat out their neighbors and get them thrown in jail for doing things without permits. I think this is something we need.” Mr. Hendrickson is looking into the possibility of water boarding as a way to get confessions from people suspected of code violations.

Turtles made the news. Headlines asked, “Have you seen a turtle on your land, or in a pond?”  There have been turtle sightings in the county, but so far there has been no confirmed identification. The Feds, the State, and the County would like to know if in fact turtles exist here.

It is April and there is still no report of Swine Flu in the Islands but the Health Department is holding clinics on all the islands to teach people how to sneeze safely into the inside of their elbows.

“Ask and you shall receive,” reads the headline as requests from Public Works (PW) for inspections of the Sutton road transfer station have resulted in continuing problems for the County. PW has called for inspections this week by the State Department of Labor and Industries, NOAA, FEMA, the FBI’s Counter-Terrorism Task Force, and CSI Miami. These departments were instructed to look for any excuse to close the dump. The CSI team will be looking for the HINI virus (from a swine’s hind end). It is not clear if the Public Works Director is calling for these inspections on his own, but it sure looks that way.

Director Ron Hendrickson of CD&PD is back in the news again. Apparently he will not issue building permits for buildings common to a house, such as a garage, unless there is already a house on the property. When asked for his comments he stated, “This is how it starts. The next thing you know people will want to build a house on their property. These people need to be punished, not rewarded with permits.”

In other news, Lea Lambiel from Orcas put up some signs outside his place with a greeting for Ron Hendrickson. Marilyn Monroe says “Hi Ron,” and the sign with the Governator of California says, “Hey Ron, I’ll be back! When asked what the signs meant, Lambiel said “The director of CD&P doesn’t have much of a sense of humor -I’m trying to help him with that.”

Lights went out for Earth Day. It was not to protest, “global warming.” A single car accident striking a power pole left more than 100,000 people in five counties without electricity. Although it was dark people were able to send “tweets” from their cell phones to let the outside world know we were still alive.

May
After months of being pinned down by hostile firing of questions by NIMBY’s the Council finally voted to keep the dump we have. After over twenty years of serving on the SWAC (Solid Waste Advisory Committee), George Post of Orcas Island has resigned his membership. When asked for comment he replied that he was tired of taking this kind of garbage about the dump.

The County Council voted unanimously to appoint a Building Code Board of Appeals to break the logjam of permits. The vote was cast against the advice from the Director of (CD&P), Ron Hendrickson, who has said, “Just because I won’t issue permits? Is that what this is about?!”

The Waldron Community Meeting sent a letter to the County Council asking them to re-install the official County road signs at “all San Juan County Ferry Terminals (and outer islands)” that state SJC is a nuclear weapons free zone. According to the letter it is proudly claimed that the old signs successfully ended the cold war and have prevented all attacks from enemies foreign and domestic on the San Juan Islands.

A public hearing regarding land use code enforcement procedures and penalties was held. Some of the recommendations would allow the Director of Community Planning and Development, (Ron) to revoke permits, issue fines, and even jail offenders of development codes and permits; and may “at any time, use a ‘Taser’ on contractors to enforce building codes.” This triggered Lea Lambiel to put up another sign with the phrase “Don’t Taze Me Ron!”

June
United States Coast Guard ordered WSF (Washington State Ferries) to discontinue the practice of crewing its boats with tired old Skippers. As a result, sailings to the San Juan Islands will be cancelled. After several threats from angry Waldronites to “Nuke” the ferries, service was restored and the Coast Guard orders were ignored.

Turtles were finally discovered as headlines said, “Vehicles Squashing Turtles On Lopez & San Juan -Crossing Signs Requested” This caused one motorist to declare, “I thought those were speed bumps!”

On June 8th the headlines announced, “CC Told County Spending Will Be Cut” and on June 10, 160 County workers who were members of Local 1849, got a big pay raise!

“No More Untreated Sewage From Victoria”
The Associated Press has reported that Yours Truly made news when he posted a video on “You Tube” and made the papers of Victoria. The outcry resulted in the County Council receiving a report from governmental representatives from Victoria, who were accompanied by the Victoria media. Petersen said, "Threaten to squeeze them where it hurts and it gets their attention every time."

July
The “Kiss A Pig” contest was conducted as a Soroptimist fundraiser. Note: up until then anxiety about swine flu had people breaking out in hives, but so far no cases of actual swine flu had been reported in the County.

On July 8, San Juan County Administrator Pete Rose announced Ron Hendrickson had left the County’s staff in a departmental reorganization. Sources inside the department said that Hendrickson was removed from his office after a struggle that involved a team of firefighters who pried him out of his chair with the “Jaws of Life.”

“Attack By Re-Enactors Leads To Felony Charges” (I didn’t make this one up).
 Guys dressed up as Pig War soldiers attacked some tourists at British Camp. “They just wanted to use the bathroom, but ended up being held at gunpoint, and with a smashed window of their Lincoln Navigator.” 

September
“2 of 4 Ferries On Way To Mexico”
 The Nisqually and Quinault came to the northwest from San Francisco in the 1940s; now they are headed south again. In November of 2007 the state determined they are rusted out junk. In fact, a spokesman for WSF stated that all the ferries are rusted out junk. These two boats are scheduled to bring Mexicans across the border to work in the Islands. There will actually be more sailings to Mexico than to Anacortes on the new schedule, which has the County Weed Board very excited.  

Public Works Director Jon Shannon told the Council that "the solid waste transfer stations are losing money.”  Shannon is asking for a new round of inspections of the Sutton road facility by the Department of the Treasury, and is calling for a complete IRS audit. He was quoted as saying, “Somehow we have to close this darn thing down.”

October
The FLU has arrived in the San Juans. Whether it is the seasonal flu or the new H1N1 flu, it is all the flu. Clinics have begun shoving vaccine up little kids noses and strictly enforcing the regulations about coughing into the elbow. They have also instituted a complete ban on kissing pigs.

November
The County Council will hold a joint meeting with the SWAC (Solid Waste Advisory Committee) to discuss the idea of turning the hauling of garbage over to a commercial hauler. PW Director was quoted as saying, “This could be the end of this inadequate old facility, and it’s about time.”

Just days after the Council raised your taxes they voted themselves in as full-time employees for retirement purposes!

San Juan Islands Receive More Publicity as “Lonely Planet” names the San Juan Islands to a World's Top 10 List of places tourists can kiss a pig.

December
The County Council met with the Commanding Officer of the Seattle Coast Guard sector, and with the Director of the WSF, to discuss ferry service issues. They plan to ask for more sailings to Mexico, and in particular the status of “Touring Watches” so that more passengers can take turns driving the boats.

San Juan County may become a pilot program for a statewide reservation system. SJC Councilmember Howard Rosenfeld reported to the full council on Tuesday that “The plan is to have it in place by the summer of 2012” adding, “This could be a big deal.” Later Mr. Rosenfeld denied saying any of this.

It was reported that Mr. Hendrickson may have been spotted living under a bridge in Las Vegas near the Hooters Restaurant and Casino chasing contractors around with a Taser. It appears that he may have at last successfully bonded with the homeless community beneath that city.

That is all the news! Happy New Year!

Rules for Acquisition

Local governments have plunged into the real estate market with a big splash! They have gobbled up land and commercial property like crazy. The Orcas Dock purchase by the County, and the Farmer’s Market proposal by the Town/Land Bank, are good examples.

What criteria have they used to justify this drain on the public treasury? How do they distinguish a good purchase from a bad one?

Just for fun, let’s examine these two recent real estate purchases and proposals in an attempt to decipher and demystify the rules that were used for the acquisition of property by government. As far as I know, these rules have never been written down. The basis for them is self-evident. Like an archeologist digging for bones in the sand, I will attempt to blow away the dust and uncover these gems for the benefit of future generations.

Rules for acquisition of private property by local governments:
1. Always pay too much for something we don’t need. Appraisals are expensive, irrelevant, and unnecessary. If the State Auditor challenges us we can always pay the money back or sell it for less than we paid for it. It’s not our money.
2. Avoid flexibility. Be sure the property has as many restrictions and easements as possible so that any change in future use will be impossible. The public should be stuck with the existing use in perpetuity even if it is not sustainable. We’ll be out of office by then anyway.
3. Give the job of managing the property to a group or a person that has no idea how to do it.
4. Lease the property for 50 years (or more) to a fledgling group that has no experience, no assets, and no means of payment when they default. Additional taxes must be the end result.
5. Be sure that the purpose of the acquisition is a duplication of something that already exists and costs less or is free.
6. Make it as inaccessible as possible (parking, docking) and make sure the public benefit is exclusive.
7. Take productive job-creating commercial property off the tax rolls forever. Why let the public sector thrive? Government can provide jobs too!
8. Ignore any potential liability that may be associated with the past use of the property, especially the possibility of an expensive environmental cleanup.
9. Make sure to maximize the cost to the public to bring the existing structures up to current codes.
10. The purchase should make us “feel good” or at least make us feel “warm and fuzzy.”

If we keep digging we may discover more rules, but when we get this deep in the hole perhaps we should stop digging.