Island Guardian

Tuesday, April 19th

Weapons of Mass Pollution

I had the bucket so full of oysters I could barely carry it. I trudged up the beach towards the kitchen where Grandma was busy cooking. My 8-year-old face was beaming with pride as I proudly presented my catch of the day.

"Go put those back on the beach. We don¹t eat oysters unless there is an "R" in the month". Said grandma.

I couldn't even spell September but I guess we had to wait until summer was over before we could eat the oysters that grew so thick on the beach. I asked my dad why?

"You see all those boats anchored around the bay all summer?"

Our bay was filled up with yachts and boaters from Memorial Day to Labor Day.

"Where do you think those people go to the bathroom?"

Now I understood. They pump their toilets into the bay all summer. Oysters are full of it. That's why we can't eat them. (Since then I have learned other reasons also)

This did not seem fair to me then. But technology and times have changed. There is no excuse for pumping raw sewage into the water today is there? But it is happening now on a scale that seems unimaginable to me now. It is still not fair.

It is coming from our neighbors in Victoria, B.C. They pump about 34 billion litres of raw sewage into local waters each year and have no plan to change this practice. The sewage is a weapon of mass pollution. The end of the sewer pipe is like the barrel of a gun pointed right at us.

I have been an avid salt-water fisherman all my life. I have watched the local catch dwindle and fall off rapidly in the last 10 years. The big bait-balls and squawking fracas of sea birds we used to see regularly are now rare. The life is being drained out of the waters that I see every day. I look directly to Victoria. Is all this sewage to blame for my declining luck at fishing? I know one thing for certain from my oyster picking days. Sewage in the water is not helping the situation. It can not be good for the ecosystem of these waters.

Next time you are on a sunny sandy beach in the San Juans take a look at the extreme high tide line. The flotsam contains all kinds of disgusting plastic items. There are tampon applicators, used condoms, and larger household flushables. The water contains all kinds of contaminants from untreated sewage.

Representatives from Victoria have come to Friday Harbor several times to answer questions about the sewage dumping. Each time they do a tap dance routine to the tune of "Our sewer doesn't stink". I don't think we can afford to believe that anymore.

San Juan County stands in the crossfire of pollution. It is not just Victoria that pumps raw sewage into the Islands. Vancouver also has weapons of mass pollution. Tremendous volumes of inadequately treated sewage dumps into Georgia Strait. While two of the Greater Vancouver area's large treatment plants have been upgraded to secondary treatment, there are no plans to convert the other two plants until at least 2030. In addition to the under-treated sewage from these plants, these combined sewage outfalls discharge about 22 billion litres of raw sewage into the Strait each year.

This is not the first time that the stage has been set for war in the Islands. Who can forget the "Pig War" from 1859-1872? It was started by something far less than a neighbor dumping mass quantities of poop on us. I¹m not in favor of war unless diplomacy and sanctions fail.

I think we need to take this to the State level to get attention focused on this international problem. Then we should take it to the United Nations. The threat of direct military action should not be taken off the table. But seriously, where are our priorities? We were not sure about weapons of mass destruction. In this case, the evidence for the existence of weapons mass pollution is incontestable.

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Friday, April 15th

Candy Store Lesson

She could barely see over the counter. She had as much candy as she could carry. She reached up and piled it all on the counter one at a time in front of me. She had that look of pure inner joy that only a kid-in-a-candy-store can feel. She gave me that don't-tell-mom look. I had seen this many times before. I owned the store. Lots of kids do this. So before I rang it all up I asked her to show me how much money she had in her pocket. She paused and looked a bit confused, then silently reached deep into her pocket and pulled out some change. Then she reached in again and put all of it on the counter. 42 cents, mostly pennies. Now I had the hard job of telling her she was about 10 dollars shy without making her start bawling. I told her that she needed to count her money first then prioritize her purchases accordingly. That did it. Her formerly cute innocent face transformed before my eyes into some sort of evil creature. She cried and screamed so loud the other customers thought I was guilty of child abuse. I thought she might have a future career in politics.

How do you explain the basic principle of living within our means to a kid? How do you explain it when no one else seems to follow this principle, especially politicians? So at tax time each year we must all contemplate the reason why in the heck we work half the year just to pay taxes. After solemn meditation I believe that it is government spending, not taxes that brings us so much grief on April the 15th.

Most of the time politicians get it backwards. They ask, "How much money do we need to accomplish what we want to do?" Their approach is to create the wish list first, then round up enough taxes to pay for it. This is the wrong approach. The question should be "What can we do with the money we have to meet the needs of our citizens?" The answer is for government to prioritize spending and then live within its means.

This seems so simple in theory and yet it never seems to work in practice. I am sick and tired of watching a bunch of seemingly normal people run for office, cheat, win, and then whine about how tough their jobs are because "we the people" are not paying enough taxes.

We have proposals on the table now by our temporary Governor for the additional sin tax, gas tax, and death tax. She is trying to round up more for her wish list. She would not have to squeeze every nickel out of the sinners, drivers and the dearly departed if she didn't spend so much.

Politicians tax everything so they don't have to face the difficult decisions and just say NO to spending. It is difficult to tell people that the things they want cannot be funded. But that is precisely the job we elected them to do in the first place.

Politicians will try any creative trick to get around taxpayer initiatives in order to impose some new tax. The spending limits imposed by the voters are eroding with each new day and the $30 dollar license tab initiative is coming around for the third time. Why don't they listen?

The taxes in our State seem to be rising fast. Here are some recent quotes from the Seattle area media:

The Seattle Times: "Senate Democrats have fecklessly added $200 million in extra spending and taxes to Gov. Christine Gregoire's budget, which was already pushing the limit of what people of this state can afford."

And this: "Like the governor's budget, the Senate proposal does not solve the problem of state expenses growing faster than money collected from taxes."

And: "The total of their proposals is up 12 percent. There is the problem. The people's ability to pay is not up 12 percent in two years. Not even close."

The News Tribune: "The (Senate) budget would do little to right the basic fiscal imbalance that stems from Washington not generating enough taxes to support the growth in demand on existing state services. Indeed, it would appear that the state should not expect anything revolutionary out of Olympia this year."

King County Journal: "Like last week's proposal from Gov. Christine Gregoire, (the Senate budget) doesn't do a good job of prioritizing what government should do."

And this: "Neither Gregoire nor the Senate Democrats show much inclination to cut."

Some kids learned the lesson of candy store early in life. Others became career politicians. The fact is if you have dreams of buying everything that looks good you'd better have the money to pay for it. Then you buy the best candy you can afford. No more.

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Thursday, April 7th

Not-So-Hip

Hey Fatso! Yeah you! Why don't you come in here and get us you big ape!! The two voices were coming from the freezer. Calling me out. Beckoning to me. I quickly yanked open the freezer door. It was those two wise-guys Ben and Jerry. I grabbed the pint of O'Chunky Monkey and headed to the sofa to watch the late news.

Recently I have had distant feelings of alienation rumbling around just under the surface like an itch that I can't quite scratch. While I was sitting there watching commercials with short news-breaks it hit me like a ton of bricks. An epiphany! I am "not-so-hip" anymore. I think there are many that don't even know what it means to be hip. Therein lies the problem. And that is why I can not relate to what I am seeing on TV.

They are doing it on purpose with the commercials. The networks are targeting the channel-surfing horny hypochondriacs sitting around wearing bathrobes in their fully extended Lazy Boys. How else can you explain it? I sometimes sit stunned with mouth agape while looking at commercials about genital herpes, male enhancement, and performance enhancing drugs that keep old men hard and women running for their lives. One claims to be a miracle drug. Call 911 if your erection lasts more than 4 hours. This is a genuine miracle because not only does it heal the sick it raises the dead! They can't be talking to me can they?

Then there is the guy standing next to a purple pill as big as an Orca whale. He won't tell you what it does but he does say that it may cause diarrhea and sexual side effects. That makes me suspicious. Even if I could choke it down why would I? I don't understand all this stuff. I guess watching the TV makes me feel out of touch and not as hip as I once was.

I'll admit straight out that I am a cultural retard. There are too many things about our culture that I don't understand anymore. I used to think I was hip but sometimes, I feel like I just stepped off that little yellow "special" school bus. I need a tutor to explain stuff to me.

For instance, I like to watch sports on television but I don't get the beer commercials anymore. Can some kid explain them to me please? And basketball has broken out into a hockey game where players fight the fans and each other. The heroes of baseball were "juiced-up" with steroids all along. Even the "Governator" of California used the stuff. Most athletes have stopped pretending to be role models. Some are not even aware that kids look up to them. Don't they get it? It does not make sense to me.

And the national anthem that was sung preceding the games? Has it been changed? What's up with these fluttering voices moving the tune around like a knuckle ball through the strike zone? It sounds like there is competition for the soloist to hit as many notes as possible. I just want to watch the game. To the "not-so-hip" listener like me it sounds weird.

And those halftime shows seem very strange. They must be geared toward young people. This is scary because my parents used to say things like this.

I admit I'm not a kid anymore but I wish I were. I'd be out demanding my rights. I would organize a neighborhood (now called in'da hood) protest rally in defense of a child's right to keep parents from listening to our phone calls and searching our rooms. I would always find sympathy in the courts. "Kids Rule" and they know it. They know that their rights trump parents and teachers. The "State Knows Best" is a big change from "Father Knows Best". But I am not hip enough anymore to understand it.

Gay marriage is another temple-scratcher for me. I thought gays and lesbians wanted everyone to mind their own business. They certainly did not want government poking its' nose into their bedrooms. Now they insist that it is the government's job to jump right in and sanction their unions. They should be careful what they wish for. There are too many divorces already. They might just as well get rid of half their stuff and call it good. It is hard to comprehend all this because I am not-so-hip.

There are lots of things that make me feel like I am an alien on my home planet. For example I don't understand HIP-HOP, female rapist teachers, airbrush tanning, tattoos and body piercing, especially all over the face. I believe that is going to lead to permanent disfigurement. It may seem hip now but when you get old that rose tattooed on your breast will have a long stem and your face is going to end up looking like a crumpled-up lunch sack with scars. (I sound like a not-so-hip curmudgeon here).

And speaking of faces, what is with Michael Jackson? Is it hip to go to court in pajamas flashing the peace sign? Convicting him has got to be one of the easiest jobs ever. The prosecutor could just point to him and say "Your Honor, members of the jury, take a good look at this guy. I rest my case". Are his fans hip? If so, I'm not-so-hip.

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