02/26/2008: "Hit Men"

What do fascism, Nazism, socialism, communism, and liberalism all have in common? The supremacy of the state and society over the individual is at the core of these political philosophies. The leaders of these movements always know what is best for the rest of society. In some cases they feel the use of force is justified in order for the state to achieve the end result of domination over the weaker individual.

History gives us many examples of unscrupulous tyrants who have eradicated a class, or ethnic group, or species, in order to purge out enemies of the state and create their own vision of a utopian society. Success is achieved when overwhelming force puts the rebels down.

What follows is the true story of a planned mass annihilation by the rising forces of the new eco-fascists. We all know who the enemies of these green goose-stepping fascists are. Some of you know the poor heartbreaking story of their intended victims. The rebels.

They left the old world to start a new and free colony here. They dreamed of someplace where the sunrise was bright, the earth was soft, and the digging was easy. They sought a dry place, and a flat prairie so they could keep a watchful eye out for approaching enemies. They needed a place where not many trees grew that could give cover to perching assassins. They dreamed of a place where the wind pruned the grasses and wildflowers so that tender new shoots of grass were ever abundant. This place by the sea was more than they hoped for. It became their home.

Thus the rabbits came to the San Juan Island prairie in the 1880’s. Over time the gene pool grew more diverse as captive pet rabbits broke free of their prison-like hutches to join the growing colony. The population flourished. Rabbits were hunted and exported from the island. Some years saw the slaughter and export of 50-80 thousand rabbits to nearby markets. Still the bunnies humped and thrived.

Fox were imported to try and control the herds. Birds of prey such as owls, hawks, falcon, osprey and eagles ate their fill of the cute little cottontails. But despite the many predators they have stubbornly hung on to life and continued to blissfully breed and multiply. They have yet to meet the most dangerous predator yet; the master race of eco-fascist hit men hired by the U.S. Government.

Armed with guns, shovels, leg-hold traps, scent hounds, ground-penetrating radar, and “best available science” these professional hit men will soon receive orders to carry out this shocking eradication plan. They want to destroy the hopes and dreams of one species for the good of the many. They know what is best for the island ecosystem and their idea of a utopian green society does not include all those pesky rabbits. They plan to snuff out their lives for the crime of colonizing the wild prairies at the southern tip of San Juan Island. These guys just can’t let nature go wild!

What’s up Doc? How did the bunnies strike out? According to National Park Officials they are causing damage to the archeological and cultural resources of American Camp. A rare and unusual prairie exists here. The rabbits are destroying it. Strike one.

The National Park Service would like to restore and protect this prairie by re-establishing rare plants and native grasses and allowing the natural processes to take over. Even though the rabbits were here well before their home was declared a “park” they are apparently not natural enough. Swing and a miss, strike two.

This exceptional grass and dune habitat is also important for the Island Marble Butterfly. This species is threatened and is being considered for placement on the endangered species list. Rabbits are not endangered. Strike three, you’re outta there rabbits!

First it was the Pig War. Now American Camp will once again be the battlefield in another war over animals. Bullets will fly. Burrows will be backfilled. Fences will be erected to prevent re-colonization. The bunnies must be sacrificed in order to save the once wild prairie habitat for an endangered butterfly that spends half of its life as an ugly caterpillar.

Will this plan work? I have my questions. What is to stop someone from tossing a pair of bunny newlyweds over the park fence to start over? When did fences become part of the “natural” landscape of a prairie anyway?

Has anyone ever successfully fenced out rabbits? I have a garden and I admit I have failed at this. Believe me, I have tried. I think it has to do with the gate. So, how will the park staff keep their gate closed when there are hundreds of visitors every day?

Doesn’t backfilling rabbit burrows in an archeological area and shooting guns in a National Park violate just about every law? Can the public get permission to hunt rabbits too or do the jack-booted Green Special Forces get to have all the fun?

Will the eco-fascists target me next? Stay tuned.