11/28/2006: "We Want A Refund!"

"They told us it didn't snow in the Islands when we bought our house. Now there is a foot of snow, it's brown and we can't flush it down, power is out, tree limbs are blocking our driveway, and our car is stuck in the ditch! We want a refund!"

"All we had to worry about in California were the earthquakes, the language barrier, and the occasional break-in. But this is ridiculous! It's as cold as brass toilet seat! When is global warming supposed to kick-in?"

I know people who have said this. They are correct. Just as the snow covers the mossy knolls on the islands so do the promoters of the islands cover up the truth about our winters.

Scanning the Real Estate ads and other propaganda in the San Juans it is easy to see that references to brutal winter storms like this one are mostly omitted. Heck, even the professional weathermen underestimate the severity of our Northeasters. Here are some examples of the half-truths that are advertised about our weather on the web:

"The Cascade Mountains are approximately 50 miles east and help to "block" the freezing cold weather systems that come down from Canada. Blizzards, extreme heat or cold, are almost unheard of in the islands. It only snows about once or twice a year and usually not much more than an inch or two. Temperatures rarely fall below 30 degrees in the winter."  Oh, really?

Besides warning you about the friendly wave on Lopez they tell you this: "Winter lows are generally in the 30's to 40's with an occasional cold blast from the north that brings a few inches of snow and temperatures below freezing. If snow does occur it rarely last more than a few days before temperatures rise, bringing rainfall."

This is classic spin. "An occasional cold blast?" Give me a break! I guess it depends what your definition of occasional is.

I haven't even started with the Realtors. They all want to give you a "warm welcome", warm my butt! Please! Many of them don't even mention the weather while others deliberately create false impressions. Here are some classics:

"Winters are mild with temperatures normally staying above freezing;
Temperate year-round climate; very moderate climate."

Realtors hit the ‘daily double' when unsuspecting folks from warmer climates first buy a house and then sell it as soon as the pipes freeze. "We'll give you the listing if you tell them about our mild winters." This is called getting even.

And so it goes in the Islands. It's a revolving door of people coming here wearing Bermuda shorts and rose colored glasses and leaving with a permanent scowl frozen on their blue frost-bitten faces demanding a refund.

But like the flasher said, "I guess I'll keep sticking it out." Even if it doesn't thaw until June, I will remain an easygoing islander. Okay, February. All right, next week. Come to think of it I really wish global warming would kick-in now.